Friday, April 22, 2011

Sugared Television: Ren & Stimpy (1991-1996)

What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs
rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack
and fits on your back?

It's Log! Log! Log!

Before there was Spongebob.
Before there was Fairly Odd Parents.
Before there was even The Powerpuff Girls.

There was Ren Hoek and Stimpson J. Cat.

The quickest route to feeling old and jaded?  Watch five minutes of a prime time Disney Channel show.  The other night, driven by sheer curiosity and a fermented bottled beverage, I let my clicking thumb slacken once it reached the Disney Channel.  Disappointing, I tell you.  Some questionable fashion choices, too.  Egads.

It's not even a matter of wholesome "ahh, the good ol' days" yearnings.  Any Ren & Stimpy fan knows that couldn't be further from the truth.  It's the originality that's missing!  The off-color humor!  The flatulent breakfast superheroes!  The jarring visual of a beaver gnawing on the exposed nerve of a rotting tooth!

That's what's missing.  Maturity.

This post has been brought to you by Sugar Frosted Milk, Pretty Kitty Litter and Log by Blammo!

Ren & Stimpy Log Cookies

You'll need:

 rolled sugar cookie dough
4 batches of royal icing (see colors below pic)

Dark Brown for the outline and wood grain details.
Brick Red to fill in the wood.
Tangerine for the top of the log.
 Salmon-y Pink for the spot details.

This is a pretty basic tutorial.  If you have any questions about which piping tips I used, colors, etc feel free to email me.  I promise I won't stalk you (unless you work for, are related to or personally know Alan Rickman.)

Print and cut out the log.  This will be your template.

Place the template on chilled, rolled cookie dough and trace around it with an Exacto knife.  While I typically like a fatter cookie, I roll the dough out to a 1/4" thickness when doing more intricate designs.  The cookies hold their shape better.

Bake and cool the logs.

Outline with the dark brown icing.  Let sit for a few minutes while it firms up.

Flood the tops with tangerine icing.

Then flood the body with the red icing.

While the red icing is still wet, carefully pipe elongated dots of pink icing on top of the red.

When the flooded areas have set, pipe on the wood grain details.

It's better than bad.  It's good.


  1. OMG my childhood just flashed before my eyes. I just watched R&S recently and cannot believe my mother allowed us to watch it as kids! Sooo debaucherous! Anyway the only thing left to say is "Powdered Tooaaast Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

  2. Ren & Stimpy! I used to love that show. Those log cookies are too funny and extremely well done.

  3. One year for Easter I got some Ren and Stimpy dolls in my basket. When you squeezed them they farted. My Mother is a saint for putting up with fart noises during the months that followed. Best Easter ever. These logs take me back to better times. Don't pee on the electric fence!

  4. I wonder if I can still find those dolls anywhere. I want.

  5. These cookies are so effing cool! Look at them, they're LOG!

    I used to have a talking Ren stuffed animal. When you pulled his belly button he said one of the following phrases: "you fat, bloated eeeediot", "you could play with your magic nose goblins", "you are my true friend", "hey! what are you doeeeng?!?"

    I have no idea what happened to that guy or why I ever let him go.

  6. I had a Ren and Stimpy scratch and sniff book. They had vomit as a scent, I smelled it and puked.

  7. Ben & I used to be obsessed with Ren & Stimpy! I bet these taste as amazing as they look. Awesome choice for this weeks' SC.

  8. My mom was definitely not a fan of R&S (and vocal about it too during the gross parts) but we still got to watch it. A small consolation for her banning all sugar-filled breakfast cereals from the cabinet.

  9. I've been out of town and I just noticed your post. Dude, I love you. That is all.

  10. I love that some of you have your own Ren & Stimpy memories to contribute. Happy happy joy joy.

    (welcome back, Margiepants <3)

  11. I also had the tiny stuffed talking Ren! And I too, am sad that I don't know where he went. What a goshdamn awesome show. Kid's stuff these days sucks.

    More importantly, your cookies are impeccable! You make magic out of icing. I wish I had better flooding skills. Move here and teach me!

  12. Dude, how did I miss this??? So flipping awesome. I was definitely more of a teen or young adult when Ren & Stimpy was on and assumed it was for me - not for you little whippersnappers, hee hee!

    I usually get blank stares when I sing Everyone loves Log! Or Happy, happy, joy, joy! Or It's better than bad, it's good.

    Your cookies are way better than bad.

  13. Shannon - I'm confident that if I watched Are You Afraid of the Dark? today, it would still give me the creepies. Our programs ruled back then(did I really just call them programs?)

    Jennifer - Should you ever start singing R&S jams in my presence, I will be singing right along with you, my friend.

  14. I have a seven year old who is at the prime age of cartoons and sugary Disney channel shows. One thing that is amazing, she loves Ren and Stimpy. I showed her some old reruns on Netflix and she is absolutely obsessed. I have to make her these cookies!!!

  15. Brilliant. Damn Brilliant.
    That is all.

  16. OMG my husband and stepson sing that song ALL the time, I'm going to have to make these for them! =D

  17. This might be the best thing i have ever seen! ::respect knuckles::