Friday, May 6, 2011

Sugared Cinema: Stand By Me (1986)


I'm kinda hungry, who's got the food?
Oh shit! Did anybody bring anything?
No! Gordie?
No.
Oh, this is great. What are we supposed to do, eat our feet?
You mean you didn't bring anything, either?
Well shit, this wasn't my idea, this was Vern's idea!  Why didn't you bring something?
What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb!
Great, you brought the comb! What do you need a comb for? You don't even have any hair!
I brought it for you guys so...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Let's see how much money we've got.
Ok, I've got a dollar two...sixty-eight cents from Chris...sixty cents from Teddy...

Seven cents, Vern?

The year was 1986.  Paul "Dundee" Hogan received a Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy.  A pre-home videoed Tommy Lee married Heather Locklear.  And Rob Reiner, who would go on to direct future classics like The Princess Bride and When Harry Met Sally (both of which I've not seen much to the dismay of anyone with eyes), helped bring one of Stephen King's short stories to the big screen.  Stand By Me. 

While my childhood adventures never included a search for dead bodies, the movie always evokes a nostalgia for those final days of summer spent with friends.  Before the reality of a new school year set in, before the #2 Faber-Castells were sharpened, before the insomnia inevitably kicks in the night before the first day...there were those Stand By Me days.

Today's recipe is in honor of one of the best narrative scenes from the movie and, quite possibly, in cinematic history.

Slowly, a sound started to build in Lardass' stomach. A strange and scary sound, like a log truck coming at you at a hundred miles-an-hour. Suddenly, Lardass opened his mouth, and before Bill Travis knew it...


 ...he was covered with five pies worth of used blueberries. The women in the audience screamed. Bossman Bob Cormier took one look at Bill Travis and barfed on Principal Wiggins, who barfed on the lumberjack that was sitting next to him. Mayor Grundy barfed on his wife's tits. But when the smell hit the crowd, that's when Lardass' plan really started to work. Girlfriends barfed on boyfriends. Kids barfed on their parents. A fat lady barfed in her purse. The Donnelley twins barfed on each other, and the Women's Auxiliary barfed all over the Benevolent Order of Antelopes. And Lardass just sat back and enjoyed what he'd created - a complete and total...barf-o-rama. 


Blueberry Pie.  Easy as...well yeah.
Recipe from pickyourown.org

Makes one 9-inch pie

3-4 cups blueberries, fresh or frozen
2/3 cup granulated sugar
7 Tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
3 Tablespoons water
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
one prepared pie shell

While this recipe calls for a 9-inch pie plate, I couldn't resist using my grandma's old mini pie tins.  They were just too darling to pass up. 



Preheat your oven to 375 F.

Rinse and drain the blueberries with cold water.  Remove any stems and mushy berries from the bunch.

In a medium bowl, combine the dry ingredients:  sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon and allspice.  Mix well.

Add the water and lemon juice and mix well.  Again.

Pour the blueberries into the prepared crust.  Pile 'em up.  They'll shrink down as they bake.


Evenly pour the sugar-liquid mixture all over the berries.


Cover the top with another round of pie crust and pinch the edges to seal.  Cut a few slits in the top to vent.

Brush the top with a mixture of beaten egg and a small amount of water.  Bake the pie for 1 hour.

Let the pie cool before cutting.  If you have the patience, it tastes even better the next day.

In case it wasn't obvious by the shoddy crustwork and use of pre-made dough, pies are foreign territory to me.  This filling is ridiculously easy to make and totally piqued my interest in pie-making.  Just gotta work on the crust.

So yeah.  Make this pie.  It's awesome.


P.S.  It won't make you barf.



21 comments:

  1. Mmmm, I love blueberry pie! The best is Maine wild blueberries, but any blueberry is good by me. Love the mini pie tins!

    And, how great of a short story collection was that - also included The Shawshank Redemption.

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  2. Oh snaps.
    This is awesome! I'm with you on all points. All points. Stephen King is an amazing writer and his short stories are gold. (Rita Hayworth & Shawshank Redemption?) Your writing, dude, is just as amazing. Your pies though....WOWZA.

    There's one thing I didn't understand. Did Lardass have to pay to get in the contest?

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  3. I'll get to the pie in a minute.

    First, can you please explain how it is possible that you have never seen Princess Bride or When Harry Met Sally? For someone so versed in pop culture cinema, this is a glaring omission.

    Now about that pie. Yes please. And thank you.

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  4. Jennifer - Silly question but can you get those wild blueberries outside of Maine? Just trying to see what I'm up against should I decide to seek them out...

    Margie - No Vern, they just let him in. (<3)

    Wendi - Isn't it terrible? Sometimes I get frustrated because there are so many movies I want to see and I just can't keep up. I'm considering taking some vacation time and using it to catch up on my list.

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  5. Ali - I think the only way you can get them outside of Maine is frozen. Look for Wyman's brand in the freezer case. They are much tinier than regular blueberries and don't travel well.

    Oh and yeah - if you haven't seen When Harry Met Sally or The Princess Bride yet by BSP2 we are totally locking you in your room until you do.

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  6. Jennifer - Ahh, okay so it wasn't a total bomb of a question. I'll take a stroll through the frozen fruit section next time I'm at the store. Self homework assignment: watch both movies before July 29.

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  7. tiny pies!!!!! Blueberry pies are fairly awesome, but as we all know, everything tastes better when mini.

    ps. top picture with the knife by the pie looks like a berry crime scene.

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  8. I have a hard time with pies, to. Pastry hates me. This pie looks delicious, though. I am going to have to get someone to make me some pastry!

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  9. You've never seen The Princess Bride and I've never eaten blueberry pie. (My mom never really wanted me to eat sweets when I was a kid and actually tricked me into believing that rice was ice cream. I had cheesecake for the first time when I was 22.)

    And on the subject of Stephen King, have you heard that now that he's super rich and famous, he doesn't even write his own books? Apparently he tells a group of assistants his ideas, and they actually write the book for him.

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  10. Awesome.

    I love how the fat kid from Stand By Me grew up to become a total hottie.

    Total.Hottie.

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  11. Love blueberry pie. This looks delicious - thanks for the recipe

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  12. I had such a crush on Wil and River that summer. I recall learning from my trusty Bop and Tiger Beat mags that Corey was going to star in this film they kept calling "The Body." I rushed to the library to get my hands on Different Seasons and wished Corey had portrayed Gordie or Chris - I wasn't a fan of Teddy's glasses and his punk ass 'tude. I felt he became type casted after Goonies ... I also remember being so totally grossed out about that part in Steven King's story just as much as I hated the scene in the movie ... sorry the retro kid star lover in me couldn't help but rewind ... I may need to blog about this, if so, I promise to give you a full-on shout out! Now back to blueberry pie. Oh my, this recipe sounds awesome and looks dee-lish! It truly does, I love anything blueberry!

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  13. Jen - Exactly. And tiny pies mean tinier calories, too.

    Egbkid - I feel your pain. Pastry and I are cool but not at the level of friendship that I'd like to be.

    Amber - I have an idea. We should synchronize our watches (I still wear a Casio...yep) and at the same exact moment, we'll push play on our dvd players that were previously loaded with a copy of The Princess Bride. Then at a certain minute mark, eat a piece of blueberry pie. Store bought is acceptable. Two birds, two dvds, two slices of pie - one stone.

    Shannon - Who knew Vern would grow up to have so much game?

    Nic - Thanks for visiting :)

    Ally - Rewind away, my dear. I could talk 80's/90's/hell any pop culture for days so go for it. While Corey wasn't at the top of my crush list, you're spot on about him being typecasted after the Goonies. I never really thought of him playing one of the other roles until now. I did love Wil as Gordie and was quite stoked to see how cutely he aged (Toy Soldiers.)

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  14. okay I need to google vern..he's hot now?? loving you easy as pie.. pie.. I still get upset when they find the body..

    sweetlife
    off to google

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  15. Dude, although your posts are always super entertaining, I've got to say, you've got some pretty darn funny commenters too. This is one of the few blogs where I always read them all too. Oh and whenever I see a new post pop up from you, I like to set aside a time to fully enjoy it, never a quick scan. Just thought I'd let you know.

    ANYWAY, Stand by Me. Oh man, this was one of those movies we constantly rented as a kid. I had the biggest freakin crush on Chris Chambers....loved the bad boys at 8 years old.

    And the mini bloob pies are adorbs!

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  16. Pnly you would par barfing with a kick ass blueberry pie recipe. Love it.

    p.s. Start with The Princess Bride book if you haven't read it. I am a voracious reader who hates to see most books I read turned into movies. They never match the one in my head. The movie is great but the book is definitely something special.

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  17. john cusack was my jam. too bad he had such a small part in the movie, as the DEAD older brother. and let's not forget jack bauer, i mean, keifer sutherland...

    what a great movie, thanks for jolt of nostalgia.

    and the PIE. what a great way to tie it into the movie.

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  18. Sweetlife - Would you believe Vern went on to marry Rebecca Romijn(-Stamos)? He must have wooed her with cherry-flavored Pez.

    Shannon - Thanks lady. But you do realize you're one of those darn funny commenters, right? I get many kicks out of the comments you guys leave on here.

    Lora - See, I didn't even realize The Princess Bride was a book. I enjoy some fantasy/adventure on paper...thanks for the heads up :D

    Angry Asian - Totally forgot Lloyd Dobler had a small role in the movie! "It should have been you." What a crappy dream.

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    ReplyDelete
  20. Blueberry pie is my favorite type of pie.

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  21. I love blueberry pie! This looks delicious. I've never been very good at making pies...

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